I tend to trust my judgments and not rely on the others’ for the mere thought of baring the consequences for their own judgment disagrees with my conscience for it weighs farther more heavily than if those judgments were mine to begin with; at least I will not succumb to a frenzy tantrum and blame myself for others’ mistakes but mine.
Lying to oneself
This helps with my conscience but it does not really apply to the harsh realm I bump into every time I fail to assess things properly. I have been brought up to believe that the silliest person is the one who thinks he can outsmart the rest; and I quote from my ever favourite poet Rudyard Kilpling “if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you but make allowance for their doubting too”… So making allowance I shall, but it comes way too costly and I bear not to see others rushing into things and not utter a word or declare my opinion; for I am always afraid that it will not be outspoken right, and if it was it will not be heard, and if it was they will turn a deaf ear to it, and if they didn’t they would earnestly thank me for providing them with a sincere heartfelt meaningful adjustment to their perspective but they would decide on following their self-innovated style breaking out of the viscous circle I stated.
Egoistic
I declare not that mine was the most right but I would say it was definitely the fittest… occasionally. I know this might read a bit narcissist written in bold and stamped on my forehead, especially that it is coming from a person who rarely keeps anything for himself and always listen to what other thinks about his issues; but read this to the end… one might easily be prejudice if they not enjoy patience.
An apology
I know the writing style might be exotic to some; especially that the reader interacts mostly with the whole piece and those some would find it disturbing to interact instead of just being a witness to my words and enjoying the rhythm it follows.
For those readers; kindly humor me for it will turn out to be good… inevitably.
Do you read yourself through the lines, or you are assuming that’s all me.
The Stench
Why is it that none of us truly listens?, I mean we talk and blabber all the time about our tedious days of our life, our dead end career, the meaningless demands of our significant other, waking up on the wrong side of the bed –what is the right side anyways?-, we share our lives with others –but do we really share them?- We pay to teach our kids the value of sharing, we go to the movies with our friends or our significant other paying to see a movie teaching us things about the value of sharing but we never interpret, we just allow ourselves to drench our conscience with a fake scent; any sane person would not mistake it but for stench. That makes us feel good about ourselves, makes us think we still truly care in that materialistic world whilst we don’t really, trusting only our judgments whilst sharing each other stories and declaring our opinions thinking it is the fittest.
Moment of truth
A drastic change is definitely needed, or else this stench will haunt our conscience for good and we will never truly listen. I hereby state that I will try as much to be attentive, to listen, to let others learn from their own mistakes, to think outside the box; to let others into my life and frankly share their lives as well. I will stop being that narcissist that most of us are. I will not let my ego hinder me from interpreting what others think. God damn it! I refuse to be the silliest party.
